Thursday Two Questions #56 - Paradise Too Perfect?
For most of my life, I am afraid to be happy, proud or just plain excited about something. My parents brought us up to be humble, but not only that, to not be happy, or giddy about anything, since it could back fire and we would look like J..A...
Now, I have found a way to conquer the guilt when I feel happy and proud. I thank God, over and over until I thought it was enough. Then depending on how many times I truly thanked God that I allow myself (based on that measure of worth) some minutes of happiness.
Yep, believe it or not, this is the system I have implemented for myself. It's like I have to do more, be punished before I can be happy so that paradise doesn't disintegrate. And for what it is worth, at least it isn't fear (that it might blow up), and it isn't guilt.
I have landed a dream job, something that I have worked on for a couple of years now. But as a seed, you could say, I had to nurtured the thought, the dream, build and worked hard for 13 years. I am happy and proud that the moment has finally arrived where the work and the pay met. The self worth and self esteem are both fulfilled. Yet, I still have the fears of it being too perfect to last. The struggle to be happy verse fear of paradise disappearing.
Here are Self Sagacity's Thursday Two Questions #56
1) Do you have fears that when things are too perfect, something might go wrong?
2) Have you had a too good to be true situation that actually lasts?
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