For most of my life, I am afraid to be happy, proud or just plain excited about something. My parents brought us up to be humble, but not only that, to not be happy, or giddy about anything, since it could back fire and we would look like J..A...
Now, I have found a way to conquer the guilt when I feel happy and proud. I thank God, over and over until I thought it was enough. Then depending on how many times I truly thanked God that I allow myself (based on that measure of worth) some minutes of happiness.
Yep, believe it or not, this is the system I have implemented for myself. It's like I have to do more, be punished before I can be happy so that paradise doesn't disintegrate. And for what it is worth, at least it isn't fear (that it might blow up), and it isn't guilt.
I have landed a dream job, something that I have worked on for a couple of years now. But as a seed, you could say, I had to nurtured the thought, the dream, build and worked hard for 13 years. I am happy and proud that the moment has finally arrived where the work and the pay met. The self worth and self esteem are both fulfilled. Yet, I still have the fears of it being too perfect to last. The struggle to be happy verse fear of paradise disappearing.
Here are Self Sagacity's Thursday Two Questions #56
1) Do you have fears that when things are too perfect, something might go wrong?
2) Have you had a too good to be true situation that actually lasts?
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15 Comments
1. I have to admit that at times when things are going my way and everything is perfect I worry it won't last. I have to live more in the moment and be thankful for each moment.
ReplyDelete2. I have had some relationships that have lasted that I am sincerely thankful for. I think that nothing is perfect and that we all just have to learn to see that what we do have may be fleeting or not but we need to be thankful for each moment we have it.
I am so happy you landed your dream job. You so deserve the best life has to offer.
Congrats on the new job Amanda. Try to enjoy it and don't let the fears get to you.
ReplyDeleteMaybe a small fear but I try to enjoy every moment and if something changes I will do my best to adapt.
My life has been filled with change and a variety of situations but most of the changes were something I wanted.
Congratulation on landing your dream job, and I wish it would last long before you have to retire for you!
ReplyDelete1) I have the same fear as you, when things are too good, I tend to expect the bad to come, which frequently did.
2) I can't recall if there was a true situation of too good to be true. If I had, it didn't last too long to leave a good impression.
Amanda, I am so happy for you! As far as jobs go every time I had that perfect one, something derailed me, so I have a problem trusting that it was meant to be. I hope you enjoy and savor every moment. You deserve it!
ReplyDeleteSeems my first link is faulty so I left another. Sorry!
Happiness is second nature for me. I rather be happy than to be too down on myself or life. I'm not so happy that I'm unrealistic about things. I know there are chances with this life and nothing is truly perfect. We have to take the good with the bad. When things are going smooth sail, then enjoy the ride and when times are bad, learn to pick yourself up and wipe the dust off your bottom. As the old saying goes, life is too short. Don't borrow trouble for yourself - enjoy each moment to its fullest. Above all give God thanksgivings for every good and perfect thing in your life always. Thanks for hosting, Amanda!
ReplyDeleteRead today's post:
Yesterday
I guess I could also say that things might seemed very good in the "beginning".
ReplyDeletein someway, my siblings and i were also brought up the same way. but i could never hide a giggle and would sing and laugh when i'm happy. my mom would give me her "killer looks", even pinched me at times. "pride" is one of the things i always asked for forgiveness since i was a kid. and i believe that when i fail at something, it's because i have been proud. it's humility knocking at my head.
ReplyDeletei'm glad that you found a way to be happy and proud, guilt-free. it's liberating.:p being proud about something you have accomplished is a good thing.
1. I'm like that a little. It's because of how I was brought up - lots of trauma and tension.
ReplyDelete2. I also thank God when I'm happy, but this is mainly because I ask for help when things go wrong. I've been happily married for a long time. I think this is one thing, too good to be true - that lasted!
oh wow, congratulations Amanda, hope I would still see you here once a while. Oh I can just hope and pray with you that the paradise will stay and your dream job is there until you decide to retire and/or leave it for better purpose/glory.
ReplyDeleteNow, to your questions:
1. Somehow, I am not much of a worrier, so if everything seems perfect, I embrace it and enjoy it! If I lose it, I look forward to another paradise coming.
2. Oh, I do not know, I do not dream high and have simple structured life, thus I feel happy with my life and I felt that way since I was younger. I did have some tears and heartbreaks, I always looked at them as temporary and greater happiness will come in, which somehow, I found to be true.
That's great news Amanda,
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that it will last and that you will enjoy yourself at the job.
We could be twins.
ReplyDeleteI am that way about life too and I have to force myself to be excited like if someone got me a gift or did something for me or daily stuff with my kids. It's like I have to give myself permission to get excited about things.
On the same hand I'm a very fun, happy, joyful person, but only my kids and husband gets to see that and mostly the kids.
Like I love our truck, yet I always get the feeling I'm being boastful. So I feel as if it might be taken away or broken or something, so I'm humbled.
Many years ago when we were going to buy a home. I thought it was the most awesome thing! Of course I'd have wanted to purchase my own home, but it was great. I was excited but held myself in. Kept wondering, what if we can't pay for it, lost our job, etc etc etc and it's like I was preparing to be able to survive in a shelter or with family. WHy? I don't know. It's just how I am.
I had a perfect situation turned to ill when I was a teen. I was devastated. I'm about to share a bit about it on my blog later about the watch.
I'm sure that affected me too.
But enough of me rambling.
I'm soo excited for you! And I hope you can get moments of wonderful enjoyment out of life coming together for you like that!
*hug*
Oh yes! I know what you are talking about. I am afraid to get too happy because every time I have, something sad or bad happens.....really. When something is just too good to be true I worry about it for days!
ReplyDeleteJil
1) yes I do. because that's what have happened to me until now. when things get too perfect something happens that takes the ground under my feet. I used to be a believer, now I'm just disenchanted.
ReplyDelete2) nope. seems I take care of everyone and people think I'm too strong to need any help. but I still dream one day it will come true.
Thanks to the S6W I discovered your hop, will try to join next week for your 2 questions !
ReplyDeleteWell I guess we all have this kind of fear, it's not so easy to enjoy the moment and the good we deserve. Hope you'll enjoy your paradise in peace.
Grace
Oh I'm awful about looking around the corner when things are going too well. It sucks to be that way but then I guess I'm not so shocked when things go haywire.
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