Have You Ever Been the Other Woman?

fantasy girl thoughtful
As much as I would hate the "other woman" for the simple reason that she should have enough dignity and self-respect not to be the "other woman," sometimes out of situational circumstances one would find herself being the other woman without knowing.

You say, yeah right.. how do you not know that you are or were the other woman? There is one great explanation: MEN LIE

Once upon a time when I was an innocent young woman who just left the first and only relationship I ever had, I fell (rebounded) for this persistently ugly man. He stood-out from the rest. He was romantic, leaving notes, sending emails, did things that married men wouldn't do for their wives after so many years, and other males wouldn't do for fear of being labeled as stalkers or harassers.

Although, my soul was in mourning of the broken relationship, I needed distraction and happiness. The ugly man came along like the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood. He saw an easy prey and went for it (me). He came on gently and charmingly. His stalking was mistaken to be his deep interest in me, for I had very little opportunity to socialize. Not to mention that I was inexperience and thirsty for love and comfort. Months went by, we went everywhere together. He treated me like a queen, every word that I uttered, he made sure it was accommodated. He was always looking for ways to take photos of me, mesmerize over me like a faithful loyal fan. I loved the attention. He fixed my broken lights, bought my friends drinks with a smile and made quirky smart comments that seduced us all. All this, and so much more he has done earned him high priority for my time.

I can go on and on about the times that I felt so happy with him. There was never a moment that I even questioned whether the ugly man was involved with anyone else. He took me on trips with his best friends who seemed to be extremely comfortable with me around. They asked me to lose him at some point to hang out with them, as if to find a chance to warn me about him, but I chose to be totally loyal. They also tried to tell me in so many ways that he did not deserve my company. Yet, I thought it was just merely jokes between friends. And I am not surprised now if they were hoping for the opportunity to expose the ugly man.

One day after he made dinner for us, we were going through the photos he took of me. Suddenly, the light hearted happy atmosphere was disrupted by a frantic knock at the door. He refused to go to the door and said it would go away. The knocks got louder, more persistent, and then it became pounding thuds along with a woman's yelling.  He finally explained that the person on the other side of the door could be his "X girlfriend" and that she's never been able to move-on.

I was shocked that an "X girlfriend" could be so obsesive, but I had no reason to be anything other than calm. I can honestly tell you, I didn't feel any anxiety, and why would I? I am not doing anything wrong. Looking back, I think how I felt defines my feelings for the ugly man, nothing. There was no deep emotional connection. I enjoyed his company, I have not healed yet to feel anything other than the lost of my first love.

Out of innocence and compassion for the person on the other side. What did she want? I insisted that he answer the door to let her in. After half an hour pounding and yelling, she rammed in the apartment like a tornado, and went straight at him. The obvious lover's quarrel. I sat there watching them, and listening to her giving him an ultimatum. "Either her or me..." the woman said. He replied that he is going forward with me, and that we had planned for a trip together...

She cried and drove off.

I am not even sure why in the world anyone would even question she or me at that point. It seemed obvious to me that the man is a cheater. Why would anyone want to be with a cheater?

The ugly man, (litterally, he was not easy to look at) and I talked for quite a while. My heart knew that he was only a chapter, not even a phase in my life. I didn't see a future with this man. I asked him to go after her because I was afraid for her safety. He refused.

I refused to have anything to do with him after that day. As the days go by I realized I had been the "other woman." And she wasn't an "X girlfriend," but a current, deeply involved girlfriend, who had invested a lot of emotion and future hopes with the ugly man.

A week later, she came looking for me for counsel. I gave my best shot in comforting her. I assured her that I do not want him the way she does and that I do not have the love, need, desire, or care for the ugly man. Whether she was able to have a life with him after that or not, I could only imagine that it would take an eternity to bury all those lies.

As for me, I had a long road to recovery, and it was obvious he wasn't the destination.

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  1. Whoa, what an interesting story! I can't say that I've been in your shoes, but I am very naive about many things even to this day. I pray that I never find myself in the dating scene again. It certainly won't be by choice, as you know how deeply committed DH & I are to each other. Such a situation would only occure if something HORRIBLE happened to the love of my life. Anyhow, it sounds like you handled the "ugly man" and the broken hearted girlfriend right. Unfortunately, men do lie and so do women (more so today than past years), but I believe that women are still easier to fool than men when it comes to matters of the heart, don't you think? Nice post!

    1. Sounds like you have a rock solid marriage which is very envious. I think the man would have done that over and over had he the chance. At the time, I just started my journey of freedom, but the girl was the opposite, she was looking to get off the train and settle down. I think the shock was that I found myself in that situation without even realizing. Thanks for those kind words Cathy!

  2. I am glad you found his true character before you got too deeply involved. What a jerk!

    1. Me too, I think eventually he will mess-up, he wanted too much and doesn't realize that he really doesn't deserve it. The guy was a jerk and he is a sly dog.

  3. I was the "Other" woman at one point, and I had no idea. I found out the hard way when this guys girlfriend started smacking me in the face, I was seriously scared I'd die there. She didn't believe me that I was dating her boyfriend too, I told her I had no idea who she was and she told me she was dating him for three years. I had only just started dating him too.

    But yeah, this happens all too much and it's really sad. So many women are hurt because of men like this.

  4. Ouch! I don't know why people always take it out on the person that their mate is cheating with. In some cases, the other woman might have been the seducer, but in most, their unfaithful mate is the one they should slap I the face. Gees, it takes two to tangle. I wonder if people slap the othwr woman's face instead of facing the fact that her mate cheat to feel better. Because I eat that facing the fact that you've been cheated on is a lot more painful.


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