Confronting I Never Said That:
Yet, it bothered me. I felt like a piece of me was missing. The thoughts of possibly more future episodes of being on trial made me feel disgusted. I wanted to confront my good friend right away how inappropriate it was to share something just between us. On the other hand, I didn't want to spoil the harmonious current, so I sat on it. Then one day while having coffee with her I brought it up. I wanted to let her know she should never shared that again with anyone else. What I thought was going to play out…didn't.
I was hoping she would say something like: "Gees, I am so sorry to have put you on the spot. It was so gracious of you to have handled it so well. And I am so glad you're telling me because sometimes I can be so stupid about what I say to our friends."
NO. Instead I got something like this: "I never said that. You said that. You brought it up. I can text our friends right now and see what they say."
First of all. No thank you, I can't imagine going through it again. Secondly, I even recalled everything I was confronted about, so why in the world would I do that to myself in the first place? This friend of mine looked me straight in the eye and said, "I did not say anything like that, I don't remember saying anything like that at all."
Did it Really Happened or I Hallucinated?
Feeling like I was in the twight-light zone, feeling like I must have had a head injury that I don't know about, I was speechless. There must be a screw loose in my head.
I was not upset about the exposed subject anymore, but now I am very upset that my friend totally denied it, or don't even remember she said it. What does this mean for me? You threw my beliefs out so that everyone can question it and you don't even have the decency to remember that you said it? It is such a small thing to you? Not knowing what this will mean in the future for me when I am confronted with it again? Worst yet, she said, I - me- not her- must have said it. Are you kidding me? Why the hell would I bring up anything about my thoughts in front of people I hardly knew? (in terms of years, my friend and I go back more than a decade.) It would be like me admitting to my deepest darkest indecent thoughts.
About Our Friendship:
My friend is a basic, kind person, but she has a problem with knowing who to say things to. I noticed that those loose lips come around when she has had more than one drink. She tends to blurt out things and most of these "OOPS's" are stuff about me that I would never have announced.
What should I do with this person?
Who is so stupid and so un-savvy about selecting the right content for conversations? I settled on stupidity, because that is the only way I can forgive. When a person is stupid, they really don't have a choice. I don't think she meant to be mean, but some of the things she said or the act of it becomes mean because of the repercussions afterwards. I've had a couple of incidents before this that I ended up having to either swallowed, or still paying for.
I don't know if any of you see Mad Men, but it would be like Roger's latest wife, Jane. She would say the dammest thing without knowing what she said would be just utterly unforgivable, or could put the person in such awkward situations.
What I don't understand is why she just never talks about her vivid self. I am not sure why anyone would dare to speak for someone else but themselves, and thinks it's ok. Does my friend think I need someone to represent me? I am not shy about sharing, but I am choosey about that I share.
The Torment of Being with a Stupid Person:
See, when it happens, I tried to educate her why I don't want it to happen again. This isn't easy, because I have already spent hours thinking about how to say it and why it is inappropriate. It isn't easy being the one to always call on the faults. But if I don't, what kind of friend am I? It pains me every time to have to "talk" to this person about conflicts.
The same has to be true for this person, she can't really feel that great about me if she always felt like I am trying to tell her what to do. I think she thinks I enjoy it. No, I want someone smart and just as tactful - so that I don't have to always watch I back.
Things You Can Do to Help the Stupid Person:
After a previous incident, a) I sent my good friend a list of things she can say about me to casual friends. I tried to work with her, because the value of our friendship is worth much more than my pride or my feelings. b) I've also told her the list of things that I am not so comfortable sharing with everyone or it would cause repercussions, but because we've known each other for so long, there is always something that I haven't covered.
c) End the friendship.
What do you think?
Here are Self Sagacity's Thursday Two Questions #166
1) Is it better to be in a friendship as the stupid person or to be the one who has to put up with the stupid person?
2) It seemed like too much pain every time trying to rectify the wrong. Do you just walk away from this person because they are stupid?
Message about Thursday Two Questions: Since I have been enjoying the shares from week to week, whether it's motivation, or tutorials, questions, recipes, or ranting from the commentators. I am open to ANYTHING you wish to link, so link-up and thanks for stopping by. Smiles
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