1) Communicate Effectively
Communicate calmly, clearly and directly to discuss your needs and goals. Relationships work best when each partner calmly deal with their emotions or expresses their current emotions. Unmet expectations tend to frustrate everyone. Most people are not psychic. Don't expect mind-reading powers. If you want something, ask. If something is wrong, say so, but don't accuse your mate of things they have no idea about. Don't drop hints or wait until "they figure it out."
2) Marriage Needs Nurturing
If both people work on the marriage, you will always be covered, even when one of you comes up a little short. If your expectations are truly too high or unrealistic, then set standards that are obtainable. For example, it is unfair to expect to be lavished with possessions and have the love of your life home for every meal. Should you want more together time, be prepared to have that desire fulfilled at some expense. Only by accepting your mate as he is, will you have a deep respect and gratitude for who he is. Don't expect him to change in any way for you. He will have so much more to offer if you give him the space to be himself. He is a growing individual, just like you. Help him grow in the direction that he chooses, and give him the chance to help you.
3) Pick Your Battles
Like many battles, you need not be the combatant, nor the only combatant. There are many tools available. for example: subtle manipulation of the site of battle, the timing, the physical presence of allies, secret or subtle negotiators, "physical" or other types of gifts (including tape or video-recordings). You have a wide choice before intervening directly, on a secret, solitary confrontation. As long as the dishes are clean and unbroken, for instance, don't nag about how to load the dishwasher "the right way." Let him do things his own way. Don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on what is important. Sometimes you will be wrong. You need to learn to respond to arguments and remain rational so you can recognize and apologize for these occasions.
4) Bad Days
Everyone has bad days. Sometimes your husband will treat you badly, just as you may to him. Human beings often take things out on those closest to them. The important thing is to recognize these occasions afterward and resolve them. Some issues you may never agree on. No-one has an identical set of morals and beliefs - both you and your husband will need to learn to cope with occasions where you just can't resolve your opinions. Men and women deal with stress all day and every day. Do what you can to help each other deal with the stress of everyday life. Making sure that you are able to cope with your own stresses will take pressure off of your marriage. Love unconditionally.
5) Have an Active Sex Life
To most men, this is the most crucial area of their marriage and defines the tone of their relationship with their wife. Most men have deep emotional (and physical) desires and needs associated with sex, and your willingness to approach him is often crucial to his happiness and your marital success. Many men would like to have sex every day; for some men, once a week is enough. Most normal, healthy men are pleased with 2 to 4 times a week. Consider trying especially interesting lovemaking at least once a week, including taking the time to push him for a second (or third) round. Normal, healthy men do require a “recovery time” before they can achieve erection and climax again, but with the right kind of stimulation, this can usually be done. Without the frequent intimate acceptance and love that comes from your lovemaking, a man can and will become dissatisfied, grumpy, and ultimately suffer from feelings of rejection and even anger. Remember lovemaking gives an intimacy and physical release that is vital for both of you. Lovemaking is often how husbands express their feelings in a way that is "more than words". Don't hold back on communicating your love and devotion to him in the same way.
Keep your sex life interesting. Be sure to defend your beliefs and discuss your sex life with him. Also, don't be afraid to discuss anything you might be interested in. Physical intimacy is as important to a marriage as emotional intimacy. Nurture them both. Skin contact is our largest sensual organ so "physical" is not necessarily sexual.
Comments from Amanda @ Self Sagacity. Above is an article that has been in my draft for a long time. I wanted to share some of the ideas for a better marriage, and or relationship. Some points I agreed with, some I had to chuckle about. But through time, I've edited it so much that it probably isn't the same article anymore. The point of the article was to be reasonable and to be more understanding of your mate. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. The sexes expect different things at different times. Stay focus on what is important if marriage life is important to you. Sometimes, just reading some encouragement will affect how you feel that day about your situation. Stay positive.
I also realized also that #5 isn't for everyone. After writing the article on 3 Phases of Sexless Relationship Slow Death, I recognized that many men are not as sexually active or active at all in sex for that matter. It is very sad that some of us have to live in anger, frustration and waste our youth. #5 is for the normal healthy men. It is the way that I have known men to be. If #5 isn't your situation, don't be surprised or angry, there are many cases like yours and worst.