Thursday Two Questions #95 Psychotic Behaviors

Today as I was thinking about posting my Thursday Two Questions, I had trouble deciding whether to discuss the psychotic behaviors from my XBFs, or those from myself. It came down to how intriguing the subjects were and what I wanted to learn from it. I think both were worth discussing, so I will make this a two-part subject, first about my psychotic behaviors, and second (next week) about the psychotic behaviors I had dealt with in my past relationships.

Communication is key to me. It is a courteousy to inform others of the information as it could be essential to them. I didn't cope with quietness as well in the past, but SO has major impact the last few years. 

My psychotic behavior: Back when I was in middle school, mom and dad sent me to live with my cousins for my own safety. One of them was a girl cousin and one year older than me. I disrupted her world of daydreams. I'd probably turned her peaceful years of middle school into pain and broken hearts.
Bottom-line. She was extremely uncommunicative, introverted. If you poke her, she would just look at you, then back to what she was doing. I was a kid away from home, no one to talk to and bored out of my mind. My curiosity took over about what cousin was thinking and feeling about me being there, I took note of where she kept her diary, and I read it. I mainly spotted the pages about me and I could care less about the other stuff.

I learned that she was infatuated for years with the guy that had asked me out. For her seeing him in the hallways during class change time was all she needed to make her happy. For me, he was just a stepping stone. I loved myself and family so much more than the six-month plus or minus middle school crushes or boyfriends. But the point is that, sometimes we cheat the system to find out things that we weren't supposed to know. It either hurt us or help us. She was broken hearted during the time he was courting me, but I never knew until I read her diary. After that, I broke up with him, went out with his friend, and never read her diary again.

For the record, there is no reason for me to go out of my way to dig, unless the behaviors are psychotic which causes suspicion. 

Here are Self Sagacity's Thursday Two Questions #95
1) In this example, is it me that behaved psychotically, or is it the other person's extreme that prompted the psychotic behavior?
2) Have you read anyone's diary? Do you regret it?
For this particular time or anytime I’ve read anything considered personal, I have not regretted reading them. I am open enough to stand-up to my convictions and I believe whoever I have relationships with, should be the same way or know that I am that way.

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A couple of definitions of Psychotic from Dictionary.com: 1.Psychiatry . characterized by or afflicted with psychosis. Synonyms: (in nontechnical usage) insane, psychopathic, lunatic, mentally ill; mad, disturbed, deranged, demented, non compos mentis. Antonyms: sane; compos mentis, clearheaded, lucid. 2.
(loosely) mentally unstable: The man who threw a stone through the convenience store window must be psychotic. Synonyms: loony, crazy, nutty, nuts, bonkers; kooky, cuckoo, daft, batty, screwy, potty.


  1. I think you're both too young, in your teenage years to be listed as psychotic.

    I think I have read Icy's on occasions. You know, she always wrote, so curiosity got the best of me.

  2. Amanda, if she was really that uncommunicative, I am afraid my curiosity would have gotten the better of me, and maybe she wanted you to read it?? Did she ever crawl out of her shell?

    I read someone's letter once, but am glad I did. It was a love letter to my ex (then husband) from his pregnant girl friend. I had just come home with our son, and she had just had their daughter!! Sometimes there are reasons we color outside the lines.

  3. hmmm, i haven't read anyone's diary, maybe, they were so good in keeping it :) i think it was your curiosity about what your cousin was feeling towards you that brought you to read her diary because she was uncommunicative to you.

  4. IMO I feel that you were behaving normal.. it is the other person who is wierd.

    I have read other people diaries ( basically my kids) and no I don't regret it.

  5. This is all very interesting, Amanda. We learn by snooping.
    1) I think it was a natural thing to do when you were bored and the diary was laying around.
    2) I read my dad's diary after he had died. It was interesting but was pretty much a journal of facts without much flavor or excitement.

    My sister and I did snoop in the house when the folks would leave, like go to lodge meetings. I once found in a book a very personal and revealing drawing that she had made when she was young, probably still single. Finding that made me realize that some of the weird things I might be thinking of doing weren't unusual.

  6. Actually I don't see anything psychotic in your behavior, what I see is a normal teenager trying to fit in. By breaking up with your boyfriend you put your cousin's feeling first. That is a long way from psychotic behavior.

    I never read anyone's diary. I also didn't keep a diary since I was afraid someone would read it. But if I had it would have been very boring.

  7. Your cousin might just be an introvert :-)

    I have read other's diary and not very proud of myself after that. It's such a personal thing, and I violated that, which I don't like others to do to me.

  8. It sounds like you were both acting in line with your temperaments. Sharpening strengths and acknowledging weaknesses while trying to improve them are what it's all about--for all temperaments. :) I read a diary page when someone else showed me someone else's. Overall, I try to respect others' privacy. More than anything, as a kid, I was afraid of being caught doing the wrong thing. I'm a first-born. If you haven't read The Birth Order Book, that is a great book. You'll laugh, that's for sure.

  9. Your behavior doesn't constitute psychotic, in my opinion. I just think you were simply way too curious since you and your cousin are so different. That's really quite normal.

    Yes, I've read other peoples diaries - my daughters. I never regretted having done it, but it did make me sad. Whenever your child senses pain then you do, too.

    Thanks for hosting! ^.^

  10. To be honest, I am uncomfortable with the definitions provided; I think that the terms are thrown around a little too loosely since I consider psychosis to be a serious condition.

    From what I understand, psychosis is used to define a break from reality, which clearly neither one of you were doing. The person who goes out and injures someone because the voices in his head told him to do it is psychotic; someone who is merely uncommunicative is not.

    In your cousin's case, I think she was clearly communicating to you that she was hurt, but she was unable to verbalize the source of her discomfort. In your case, I think you were frustrated because you could not get her to communicate with her, so you chose to breach the boundary of her diary to see what was going on inside of her head. I don't think either one of them should be labeled as psychosis.

    I have never read anyone's diary.

    I did read everyone else's responses though and am reeling from Judy's - cannot imagine going thru that!

    Thought provoking post!

  11. 1. That was an interesting read. I wouldn't categorize this behaviour as psychotic perse, it was just childish and you were also showing concern and care for your cousin. I'm not sure if it was even childish. I would have done the same thing to find information that could help me navigate around this person I love.

    2. I don't remember reading anyone's diary, but I did read some letters my husband wrote to another woman and it broke my heart. It hasn't been the same since. He doesn't know.

    Happy weekend!

  12. all teens are psychotic.
    i have never read anyones diary..not even my kids. if I had a personal journal I would not want anyone to read it without asking me first.

  13. Hey, I just found a comment you left me a couple of weeks ago in my spam mail. All I can say about painting your furniture a shade of aqua is just do it! I painted mine because they were large tables, dark and sucking the life out of the room. One day I just thought I'd give it a try since I wasn't happy with them as they were. Good luck with it and thanks for stopping by and commenting.

  14. I don't think this is psychotic at all, Amanda :-). You were just a curious, bored teen. At least you didn't get into bad crowds, drugs and alcohol (which is what bored teens get into).

    She was just being herself, and you - yourself. I think you both did very normal things. Some kids don't want to get involved and are very introverted. My son is like that. He often tells me I don't need to know everything :-)

    I have never read someone else's diary. However, I can't say that I never would.


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