Guest Post From Unbreakable Mind
At that party, I got a chance to talk to Adam with Karen and Alvin. He talked about his insecurities and all the things that were bothering him about finding love and self-worth. He hated that people labeled him a whore because he enjoyed being physical.
I asked him if he cared so much about what other people think, why does he wear sweats all the time? There was a brief pause and I saw the side of his mouth move into a half-smile. Oh my god, you think you look good in sweatpants don’t you?! I exclaim, baffled by it. He shrugs his shoulders coquettishly. It’s funny because Alexis and I talked about this one time prior.. he really does not look great in sweats.
When he told me how he measures his self-value, I realized then and there that I had to treat my little sister differently. All of Adam’s life he had been told how attractive he was. That’s it. He wasn’t recognized for his skill in basketball, his intelligence, or his witty sense of humor. Just his looks. So now, as a young adult, if someone he finds attractive doesn’t find him attractive, he just doesn’t feel that he is. He told me that sometimes he wakes up in the morning thinking “Damn, I look good” but other times he doesn’t and that's when he feels sad.
And that’s when it hit me. Adam, I say sternly, you should never wake up in the morning thinking ‘Damn, I look good’.. you should wake up in the morning thinking ‘Damn, I feel good.’ I explained to him that your confidence should emit from your personality. It should have nothing to do with what you’re born with. From this, the minute I got home, I began telling my sister how funny she was, or how smart she is. I explained it again to my parents. It’s fine to say “You’re so cute” or “You’re so beautiful” but acknowledge her other non-superficial talents, for which she has too many. I don’t want her to end up feeling like beauty is all she has to offer.
Thanks for stopping by today.